Don't think about it. Don't think about the fear shielding your eyes like venetian blinds through which we glimpse the silhouette of tomorrow. My daughter is still as I carefully fasten the thread. It has to come out, I say. I stand over her bed. There’s a market for that tooth. I tell her that there's a queen with a kingdom of ivory gems who comes only once you're asleep and removes the tooth from under your pillow, whisking it away and leaving behind a present to greet you with the morning.
Don't think about the pain. I have fastened the snare well and watch as the barbs become rooted in your skin and drag you down. The heap of your grey pachydermic hide unfolds like a mass of covers as I stand over you. My daughter asks why can't she keep it and I tell her that's just how the world is. You wouldn't want the queen to not have a house, would you? Your eyes grow heavy at the pinprick of my touch. I follow the thread away from her toward the far side of the bathroom and listen as the door slams into silence.
You will not think about the loss.
That perspective is entirely disturbing, and I would be intrigued to read more from the POV of the father.
ReplyDelete" I have fastened the snare well and watch as the barbs become rooted in your skin and drag you down. The heap of your grey hide unfolds like a mass of covers as I stand over you." ... I'm confused here: who has grey hide? Why does this guy have a child? Not sure I need to know but try a series of these...
One of the things that made this piece most striking for me was the deep contrast between parent and daughter, adult and child. There's a huge empty space between the two, and it's very tragic. I love how you reflected that here, and the background of your blog inadvertently contributes. I think that contrast is even more striking than the underlying tone of Something Else in this, though that's very alarming on its own.
ReplyDeleteThis is such a horrifying scene to me. I find myself clenching my own teeth.
ReplyDeleteBut I wonder how many characters are here. Are there three (narrator, daughter, and you) or just the father and daughter?
On another note, shouldn't she be standing before the door rather than lying down on a bed. Seems like her position would make the pulling so much more painful.
The language is beautiful. I found something incredibly dark and ominous about the father speech and thought process. The fairytale he tells his daughter turns darker as he says the line, "You wouldn't want the queen to not have a house, would you?". An very interesting piece; although, I was not sure who the "you" was at the end of it.
ReplyDeleteThis is quite creepy and chilling, but in a good way. I am just imagining a very sick and possibly even a little sadist father, enjoying this ritual with his daughter. This actually reminds me of Lolita in a way. I read through this and was left wondering more about the daughter. Perhaps you could give her more say in this story, or even a voice as I am wondering what her take is on all of this.
ReplyDeleteThe title calls to mind the metaphor "like pulling teeth" to indicate something that is very difficult. There is an unsettling shift in the second paragraph with the words "snare" and "barbs." There is some confusion then as to who is being addressed. In the first paragraph, it appears to be the daughter, but here the daughter seems to be watching as the father ensnares a "you" who has a grey hide, and yet is there in the room with them. And in the end, we return to the classic tooth-pulling device, the thread tied from tooth to doorknob, but the father has retreated to the bathroom and just listens as the door slams, presumably pulling the tooth. There seems to be more going on here than just a tooth pulling though, but we don't have enough in this draft to figure it out. Again, who is the you in the final line? If the daughter (who seems to be the one who has lost something) it seems unlikely that she will not think about it, and either way not something that the father can know. This is another instance where the piece does not seem to gain anything from the second person. Try he/she instead of the you and see how it reads.
ReplyDeleteThe view of the speaker shifts twice in the poem and both instances are done to a very powerful effect. We as the audience first encounters the father speaking to the child then that shift to the actions of the narrator then back again to the parent consoling the child. This honestly works better in just the present middle part, better said, the part that doesn’t feature the parent talking to the child. This middle shot features the story of the queen and actually sees the parent interacting with the child. This contains most of the action and emotional aspect of the piece and honestly the best. For this reason I think maybe the prose poem could be better served if it featured on just this section.
ReplyDelete